girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you will always have a special place in my vag
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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