separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
