I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
