shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
