ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
