Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
