I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
