Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
