i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
