Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
