There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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