I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
