i was born a porn star she said
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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