is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Congratulations! We have a period
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