Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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