hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
