Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
