So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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