I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
