he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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