I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
