just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
