Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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