i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
