i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
