So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
