you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
