I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
