i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
