True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
