I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
