just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
where are my eyebrows?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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