Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
