when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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