he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
