Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
