you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
