When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
