My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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