i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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