All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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