Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
