is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
