It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
