I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
