yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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