a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
