FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
