it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
