Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
