just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
