summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
