You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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