erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
