so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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